In this section we are going to learn to communicate love as explained in The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch
Individually, you and your partner need to visit the 5 Love Languages website and click “Discover Your Love Language” to take the love language assessment. Don’t share your answers or your Profile with your partner yet!
Please be advised that The 5 Love Languages is written by a Christian Counselor and the Married assessments are worded for heterosexual couples. However, I feel strongly that the information found in this book is valuable to all couples. You do have the option of taking the assessment as a Single if that is more comfortable for you.
When you enter the site to take the assessment, you’ll be asked to enter a valid email address. Feel safe doing this, they won’t contact you except to send The Overview and your Love Languages Profile once you’ve taken then assessment. If you have serious issues with sharing an email address you can skip this, but be sure to print the Overviews and your Love Languages Profile that appear on-screen at the end of your assessment. You’ll need these later!
After taking your assessment and reading the overviews, write down what you believe your partner’s language preferences will be. Don’t share these with your partner yet!
Once you and your partner have both taken the assessment, received a Profile listing your primary and secondary love languages, and secretly guessed you partner’s preferred Love Languages, you’re finally ready to share.
Share your profile with your partner, paying close attention to the numerical value each language has. Are there surprises?
Check the lists for comparable scores. These are areas where you and your partner are in sync; you are giving and receiving love in like ways.
Then check out the areas where scores are most different. These are learning areas for you and your partner. In my practice I find that couples’ struggle the most when one person’s primary love language is their partner’s lowest scoring choice. These differences will make learning about and practicing your partner’s primary love language an important part of connecting with your partner.
Talk openly with your partner about specific (the more specific the better) ways you can communicate “I love you” in your partner’s primary love language, and ways your partner can do the same for you. The book is rich with ideas for expressing love in every language, should you choose to read it.
You and your partner each need to devise a list of at least ten ways to express love in one anothers primary love language. Complete at least one of these list items daily as we proceed through the workshop!