Terry Sloan

Licensed Professional Counselor at Your Service

Part Four

In this section you and your partner will learn  more about your individual personalities and temperaments. We’ll use this information to uncover new aspects of your relationship, and navigate these new aspects using the tools we learned in the previous three sections.

Individually, you and your partner need to visit the Kerisey Temperament Sorter to take a personality quiz. This will take between 15-20 minutes. Afterwords, you’ll be directed to a page reading: “Your results indicate that your personality type is that of __________.” You may want to write this down.
There will be a button below labeled “Go To Results”. If this button doesn’t redirect you to your personality type page (it doesn’t work properly in some browsers), you can still access it using the menu above. Hover over “The Four Temperaments” to select the link to your two-word personality type. I.e. “Guardian Provider”, “Rational Inventor”, etc.

Print or save your Personality Type overview. Read about your temperament as well as your partner’s.
Remember, this is not a good/bad or right/wrong assessment, it is a simple overview of attributes.  All personality types have value.

The quick, Keirsey personality test offers a broad overview of the personality types. Because there are fewer questions being asked, the results are less focused and somewhat less accurate than a full Meyers Briggs Type Inventory.  If you read about the personality types that neighbor your own, you are likely to find some descriptions here that suit you as well. Consider this when reading the personality type overviews. Visit here to take the MBTI Complete (Myers Briggs Type Indicator assessment) for $50.

Keirsey also offers a number of articles addressing personality types in relationships. Visiting these articles with your partner could help you recognize how your personality types affect the communication within your relationship.

Research continues to support that temperament is something we are born with, though there is always room to practice new behaviors. Visit this link if you’re interested in reading more about the research behind temperament.

Using the emotional words as needed, and being attentive to your partner’s bids for attention, open a conversation about the similarities you share as well as the differences.  Ask yourselves:
How do our temperaments compliment each other?
How might our temperaments create misunderstandings?
Tell stories about your personality and how it plays out at work or in other relationships.

Remember, the end of the workshop is NOT the end of the Exercises! Continue practicing your new skills:

  • Express love to you partner daily in their primary love language.
  • Use emotion words to express yourself, separating your feelings from your thoughts.
  • Place clear, direct bids and Turn Toward your partner’s bids, even when negotiating a compromise.
  • Respect your partner’s personality type and seek opportunities to grow together.
  • Remember that communication takes more than words; pay attention to your tone, facial expressions, and body language.

I hope you have enjoyed this Communication Workshop.  Don’t forget to visit the Communication 101 Real Q&A to read real questions submitted by previous participants!